My First Mother's Day

Mom and Piper

I was going to try to write something insightful about how my life has changed by becoming a mother, but I was having trouble coming up with anything. Then I read this poem and it embodied everything that I wanted to say in a much nicer way than anything I could have come up with.

It talks about not being able to watch the news without thinking about what if it had been your child. The second week Piper was alive, my mother in law was here and wanted to watch the news. I had to leave the room because all I could think about was that I was trying so hard to just keep her alive, I couldn't think to the months and years ahead where things outside of my control could happen to her.

The poem is a mother's response to her daughter who is starting her own family. It says: 

My daughter’s relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks..

I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man

who never hesitates to play with his child.

I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again,

for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I knew my husband was going to be a good dad, but I absolutely love watching him with Piper and he loves taking care of her. It is amazing for us to look at each other and think we made this little person--just us--and now it is our responsibility to make sure she grows up. Compliments are "you're a great mom/dad" and sometimes we don't get more time together than a quick kiss before bed, but we feel closer than ever.

For mother's day, my husband took Piper at about 6:30am and I got to sleep until 10:30am. I woke up completely startled and worried that she was starving, but he had defrosted some expressed milk and fed her so that I could sleep as long as I wanted. It was the best mother's day gift, but it gets better! He gave me a card and a bag of Red Vines (I craved them while I was pregnant). I was quite happy with that, but then he told me he was getting me a SodaStream machine! It was a great day. I can't even begin to believe I would be this blessed in my life.

Linking up:

Call Me Blessed

A prayer for my daughter

Today I am 26 weeks pregnant. This pregnancy is flying by and I can't believe it is almost over, but I have a confession to make.

I have not enjoyed being pregnant. I'm almost embarrassed to say it out loud, but it is true. I have been very stressed out and emotional through most of it and I'm coming to realize that most of those emotions are out of fear and selfishness.

I am scared of losing myself, losing my relationship with my husband and not being the mom that I want to be.

Today, I was reading a blog post, that led to a blog post that led to another one (watch the video if you have time). Then I realized how blessed I actually am. Then I realized...I have not prayed for this child once in almost seven months--all because I have been so focused on me.

I googled some prayers for daughters. This first one is short, but it says:

The gifts I have are many,
not one of them deserved...
You, my friend, are always steadfast,
when chaos fills my world.

Then, You blessed me one more time,
and a daughter came to be.....
Oh! The depth of joy untold,
this gift from You to me!!!

I need to remember that this baby is a blessing--one that I've wanted for a long time too! My husband reminded me the other night that I am getting to experience something special that not many people get to experience. He said he was jealous that I get to have this built in bond with our child before she is even born. How selfish must I look to him to complain about being uncomfortable and scared of losing my identity?

This page also has pdfs of prayers for different family members including daughters. Some of the verses that he references really spoke to me. [disclaimer: I have no idea who Jesse Rich is nor do I know anything about his ministry. I have not poked around his site at all. I just read the prayer for daughters pdf].

One of the verses that he includes is:

Psalm 127:3-5

New International Version (NIV)

³ Children are a heritage from the LORD,
offspring a reward from him.
⁴ Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.
⁵ Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their opponents in court.

Offspring are a reward from God and blessed is the man who has many of them. This baby was not entirely planned by us, but I'm trusting in God's timing and not ours. I'm trusting that finances will work out so that I can stay home at some point to raise our children. I'm trusting that my marriage will only get stronger as our family grows. I'm trusting God will all of my fears so that I can enjoy the last 13-15 weeks of this pregnancy.